Shall i take it to the grave?

Death the leveller

True; everybody lives and everybody dies at some point. Unknown is what lies beyond the grave, another life, the fiery flames of hell or the white pearly gates and streets of gold in heaven. In a poem called Death the leveller, James Shirley says “Death lays his icy hand on kings: Scepter and Crown must tumble down, And in the dust be equal made with the poor crooked scythe and spade” , reminding us that in death we are all made equal even with that of kings. What we can be certain of in death is that we take nothing with us, not our money, not our cars, not our clothes, or children, or friends, nothing? What interests me however, is though we cannot take any material possessions with us to the grave and beyond, what of that in our hearts and minds? Those secrets never told.

My Uncle’s grandmother passed away some time last year but before she went from earth into the great unknown there were a few tales to tell and some tales she would take to the grave. The 98 year old spoke of her first child being left in an orphanage until she was able to care for her again, she told her family that had filled the hospital room, of her involvement with different men and her 15 children having different fathers and when questions were asked no answers were given. This old woman had said all she needed to and the rest she was happy to take with her to her final resting place. You can imagine the gasping and shock ridden faces that pervaded the room. Now any more truths for this family can be all but guessed at for the rest of their lives. What strength and courage it must have taken for this woman to keep these things secret until she was certain she could keep it no longer, or what cowardice to say so much and so little and leave with that much more unsaid.

Can it be so easy for someone to live an entire life keeping such major secrets from their loved ones? Seeing you children, grandchildren and possibly great grandchildren at Christmas, New year’s, Holidays, all going through life believing certain truths when in fact they are nothing but lies. And why not just never tell them if you waited so long anyway. In some ways I think it’s best to tell those secrets, perhaps earlier than a not-long-before-you-die type of situation because what good can keeping all these secrets be. When you have information such as “the man you used to call daddy is actually not your father” then information should be shared, preferably earlier in life. Because as you get older, and I could be wrong, the blow of such news can be much harder than when you are younger. This is not to say that finding out you have a different father to some of your siblings can ever be an easy pill to swallow but at least when you’re young you feel as if you have more time to make sense of things, time to be angry and time to forgive. Let’s face it, there isn’t much time to be angry with someone who’s on their way out of life and then live with that kind of regret.

Then again on the opposite side I’d say, take those secrets with you because telling them so late in life just leaves one asking more questions. Questions he/she may very likely find no answers to. If you’ve kept those things hidden in the dark for so long why shed light on them. Surely your family would be happier never knowing as they’ve lived their lives never knowing. What is it about knocking on deaths door that makes people suddenly change. Whether it’s them changing their attitudes or wanting to tell long ago secrets, it seems there is something at the entrance that has the ability to do what life never could, for some people of course. I can’t say I’m too keen on finding out but it certainly is intriguing.

So we live and we die. And sometimes we definitely take things with us that hold more value than any material possessions. Good or bad the judgment has not been passed yet. I’d say it’s an individual choice but in making that choice, who are you protecting more; you or your family? Will it do anyone any good? What harm will it cause? This of course applies mainly to those gigantic shock-horror-gasp kinds of secrets. And if the choice to keep a secret is made, why not keep it that way. Secrets seem to have a way of disturbing life especially when those secrets seem unfathomable.

The richest place on earth???